Tomorrow is not promised to anyone...

In my local community, a young mother has recently lost her battle with cancer.  Though I wasn't fortunate to know her personally, her story, and legacy she leaves behind compelled me to write.  She left behind two small boys, ages 8 and 10, a loving boyfriend and many, many adoring family and friends.  Though I know her death has impacted everyone who knew her, it is her boys that haunt me.  I found myself wondering... if I were to see her boys, what would I say to them?  What could I say to them?  How can a person attempt to comfort small children such as hers, when their mother dies?  It seemed anything a person could say would be woefully inadequate.

I suppose being a mother myself, this has forced me to think about my own children, and what they would do if I were to die.  I imagined how my 9 year old daughter would become withdrawn and mute, she has such a sensitive personality, always so cautious.. and my little worry wart.  I became sad at the thought of how broken she would become if she lost me, how very scared she would be.  For a moment, I put my self in the shoes of this young mother, who has had to face the reality of her impending death.  The worry and sadness she must have felt for her small boys, knowing them as only a mother can.  I cried at the emotions that must have ravaged her as she looked at her children, knowing the the pain and suffering they would feel when she died.  Imagining her trying to bargain with God.. just one more day, just one more week... just until I watch them graduate high school.

I don't know if any mother can truly appreciate the agony this poor mom went through, until they, themselves are faced with her same reality.  I thought of my oldest son.. how he's always trying to help me, how responsible he feels for his siblings.  My thoughts of how he would be so protective of me, how he would try to fix 'it'.. how he would suffer in silence, as he often does, so as not to put any more burden on me.  I wondered if her boys tried to fix their mom.. if in their sweet, child's mind, they tried to formulate a way to save their mom.  It made me think of how helpless they must have felt.. and I envisioned my own son.. struggling silently in his helplessness.

I'm sure that in a child's mind, when they're faced with the reality of the mother's impending death, they're minds must be wracked with guilt.  I imagined how my other son would be confessing that it's his fault I'm dying.. that somehow he didn't behave.. or caused me too much stress.  I could see his eyes, welling with tears as he would be pleading with me for my forgiveness.  I wondered if her boys felt it was their fault that their mother was dying.  If this young mother watched her boys cry, saying how sorry they were.  The heart break she must have felt, watching her young boys... trying to remain strong.. to hold back her tears, as she comforts them as holds them closely.  How heat wrenching it must have been for her, to watch her boys fall to pieces.  I imagined how I would hold my son, run my fingers through his hair... telling him.. it's alright.. none of this is your fault.. you have been a true gift from God.. and I've enjoyed every second I have had with you.

I can only imagine the worry this poor mother must have felt for her boys.  She must have known she had no other choice, but to relinquish them to God, to trust Him.. As much peace as I'm sure that knowledge brought her.. being a mother, it would be nearly impossible for her not to worry for her boys.  I thought of my youngest daughter.. so full of life and exhuberance.. my little dare devil.  How she's always so happy.. never forgets a face.. how people are enchanted with her personality.  I thought of how I would feel, being in the same place.. looking at her and wondering... will she ever be the same.. will the light in her eyes disappear?

Oftentimes, it's in the tragedy of others, such as this brave mom, that we are forced to stop the business of life and thoughtfully evaluate ourselves.  Her story, forces me to think about the unthinkable.   The subject that, as a mother, I desperately try to avoid... my own mortality.  To come face to face with the reality that I will die someday... and it could be before my children are grown.  My heart breaks for this young mom.. as I think of the day she had to reconcile her death... for the heavy burden she must have had for her boys up until her very last breath.  This young mother truly illustrates what it means to be a heroine.

I wonder if she realizes all of the many gifts she has given to those around her.. even to those who didn't know her personally, such as myself?  Her story has allowed me to see just how precious every second we have with our children.. how significant every moment is with them.. 

If I Knew

If I knew it would be the last time

That I'd see you fall asleep,

I would tuck you in more tightly

and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time

that I see you walk out the door,

I would give you a hug and kiss

and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time

I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,

I would video tape each action and word,

so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,

I could spare an extra minute to stop and say "I love you,"

instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time

I would be there to share your day,

well I'm sure you'll have so many more,

so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow

to make up for an oversight,

and we always get a second chance

to make everything just right.

There will always be another day to say "I love you,"

And certainly there's another chance to say our "Anything I can do?"

But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get,

I'd like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike,

And today may be the last chance

you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today?

For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day,

That you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss

and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today, and whisper in their ear,

Tell them how much you love them and that you'll always hold them dear

Take time to say "I'm sorry," "Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay."

And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today.



--Anonymous from the Internet

Below I have listed some links providing information on comforting those who are grieving from the loss of a loved one.

How to help a grieving child

Supporting a grieving person