Tomorrow is not promised to anyone...

In my local community, a young mother has recently lost her battle with cancer.  Though I wasn't fortunate to know her personally, her story, and legacy she leaves behind compelled me to write.  She left behind two small boys, ages 8 and 10, a loving boyfriend and many, many adoring family and friends.  Though I know her death has impacted everyone who knew her, it is her boys that haunt me.  I found myself wondering... if I were to see her boys, what would I say to them?  What could I say to them?  How can a person attempt to comfort small children such as hers, when their mother dies?  It seemed anything a person could say would be woefully inadequate.

I suppose being a mother myself, this has forced me to think about my own children, and what they would do if I were to die.  I imagined how my 9 year old daughter would become withdrawn and mute, she has such a sensitive personality, always so cautious.. and my little worry wart.  I became sad at the thought of how broken she would become if she lost me, how very scared she would be.  For a moment, I put my self in the shoes of this young mother, who has had to face the reality of her impending death.  The worry and sadness she must have felt for her small boys, knowing them as only a mother can.  I cried at the emotions that must have ravaged her as she looked at her children, knowing the the pain and suffering they would feel when she died.  Imagining her trying to bargain with God.. just one more day, just one more week... just until I watch them graduate high school.

I don't know if any mother can truly appreciate the agony this poor mom went through, until they, themselves are faced with her same reality.  I thought of my oldest son.. how he's always trying to help me, how responsible he feels for his siblings.  My thoughts of how he would be so protective of me, how he would try to fix 'it'.. how he would suffer in silence, as he often does, so as not to put any more burden on me.  I wondered if her boys tried to fix their mom.. if in their sweet, child's mind, they tried to formulate a way to save their mom.  It made me think of how helpless they must have felt.. and I envisioned my own son.. struggling silently in his helplessness.

I'm sure that in a child's mind, when they're faced with the reality of the mother's impending death, they're minds must be wracked with guilt.  I imagined how my other son would be confessing that it's his fault I'm dying.. that somehow he didn't behave.. or caused me too much stress.  I could see his eyes, welling with tears as he would be pleading with me for my forgiveness.  I wondered if her boys felt it was their fault that their mother was dying.  If this young mother watched her boys cry, saying how sorry they were.  The heart break she must have felt, watching her young boys... trying to remain strong.. to hold back her tears, as she comforts them as holds them closely.  How heat wrenching it must have been for her, to watch her boys fall to pieces.  I imagined how I would hold my son, run my fingers through his hair... telling him.. it's alright.. none of this is your fault.. you have been a true gift from God.. and I've enjoyed every second I have had with you.

I can only imagine the worry this poor mother must have felt for her boys.  She must have known she had no other choice, but to relinquish them to God, to trust Him.. As much peace as I'm sure that knowledge brought her.. being a mother, it would be nearly impossible for her not to worry for her boys.  I thought of my youngest daughter.. so full of life and exhuberance.. my little dare devil.  How she's always so happy.. never forgets a face.. how people are enchanted with her personality.  I thought of how I would feel, being in the same place.. looking at her and wondering... will she ever be the same.. will the light in her eyes disappear?

Oftentimes, it's in the tragedy of others, such as this brave mom, that we are forced to stop the business of life and thoughtfully evaluate ourselves.  Her story, forces me to think about the unthinkable.   The subject that, as a mother, I desperately try to avoid... my own mortality.  To come face to face with the reality that I will die someday... and it could be before my children are grown.  My heart breaks for this young mom.. as I think of the day she had to reconcile her death... for the heavy burden she must have had for her boys up until her very last breath.  This young mother truly illustrates what it means to be a heroine.

I wonder if she realizes all of the many gifts she has given to those around her.. even to those who didn't know her personally, such as myself?  Her story has allowed me to see just how precious every second we have with our children.. how significant every moment is with them.. 

If I Knew

If I knew it would be the last time

That I'd see you fall asleep,

I would tuck you in more tightly

and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time

that I see you walk out the door,

I would give you a hug and kiss

and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time

I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,

I would video tape each action and word,

so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,

I could spare an extra minute to stop and say "I love you,"

instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time

I would be there to share your day,

well I'm sure you'll have so many more,

so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow

to make up for an oversight,

and we always get a second chance

to make everything just right.

There will always be another day to say "I love you,"

And certainly there's another chance to say our "Anything I can do?"

But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get,

I'd like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike,

And today may be the last chance

you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today?

For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day,

That you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss

and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today, and whisper in their ear,

Tell them how much you love them and that you'll always hold them dear

Take time to say "I'm sorry," "Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay."

And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today.



--Anonymous from the Internet

Below I have listed some links providing information on comforting those who are grieving from the loss of a loved one.

How to help a grieving child

Supporting a grieving person

The hedgehog dilemna... hmmm, so that's what they call it.

Have you ever heard of the Hedgehog dilemna?  Until today, I don't think I had even heard it mentioned in passing before.  I was talking with a friend about dating problems... (hers, not mine), at least not this time anyway, though, I'll admit to having a fair share of my own.  My friend was venting about the typical problems of  dating and was expressing her frustrations, when she ended with.. 'well, what can I do.. it's the typical hedgehog dilemma.'  Her comment immediately piqued my interest, and I asked her what she was talking about.  She said, 'you haven't heard of the hedgehog dilemma?'  I nodded my head no, and she told me that it was an analogy used to describe the perils of dating and intimate relationships.  Well, that got my brain turning, so the first chance I got, I Googled it.. 

Wikipedia had a fairly comprehensive definition which I found really interesting.

The hedgehog's dilemma, or sometimes the porcupine dilemma, is an analogy about the challenges of human intimacy. It describes a situation in which a group of hedgehogs all seek to become close to one another in order to share their heat during cold weather. However, once accomplished, they cannot avoid hurting one another with their sharp quills. They must step away from one another. Though they all share the intention of a close reciprocal relationship, this may not occur for reasons which they cannot avoid.

Both Arthur Schopenhauer and Sigmund Freud have used this situation to describe what they feel is the state an individual will find themselves in relation to others. The hedgehog's dilemma suggests that despite goodwill, human intimacy cannot occur without substantial mutual harm, and what results is cautious behavior and weak relationships. With the hedgehog's dilemma one is recommended to use moderation in the affairs with others both because it is in self-interest, and also out of consideration for others.

This got me thinking of all of the cliche's we hear when we are in the unfortunate position of dating again.  You know the ones, how we're not be too cynical about love, always believe in true love, in that perfect person who will always love you, whom you can always trust.  

Don't get me wrong, I've seen many examples of couples in wonderful, fulfilling relationships, though, I'm sad to say that it hasn't been my experience, I do believe it exists.  However, I couldn't help but wonder as I was reading this, is there ever a perfect relationship?  Has there ever been a marriage, regardless of how happy each person was, where each of them weren't hurt by the other at some point?  Do most of us, myself included, have a warped ideology about what a good relationship is?

It also leaves me pondering on the sheer simplicity of human needs.  Our need to feel close to someone, to receive validation from another soul.  We all take comfort in having that someone in our lives who calls us on their way home from work.. to watch movies, while snuggled up on the couch, or just have coffee and read the newspaper together on a Sunday morning.  Yet, somehow, this analogy is true.  Whenever a person opens up to another, and allows themselves to become vulnerable and open, you can't seem to get close, without getting hurt.

It was somehow comforting for me to learn this, yet at the same time, very unsettling, as I can no longer go on living in ignorant bliss.  I'm left with the reality that loving and being loved, coincides with hurting and being hurt.

Free graphics and templates for your blog!

I finally made it! My first blog post.. and it took much longer than I had anticipated. Mostly because I'm a research nut, and I decided that I wanted to find my own unique designs and images to put on my blog.  Which, of course, took me hours of searching because each time I find something I liked.. I would hear this little voice in my head saying... just look a little bit more, for that perfect image.

Now, I kept telling myself that I would know what I wanted when I saw it, however, I either didn't know what I wanted, or I was blind.. either way, it doesn't look too good for me:)  And.. you'll be surprised to know that I didn't use a single image I had downloaded.. in the process of searching, my brain became overloaded and I just went back to Blogger and used one of their templates, which are fabulous, I might add.

The good news is.. I saved all of those sites I spent hours perusing.. so check out the links below!   All of these sites have free images for download.  However, there are some that also have images for sale.  There are some sites that you can click right on the image and download, and some that you have to register for beforehand.. I will make notes of this info in the descriptions... so enjoy, and happy creativity!!

http://www.themeheaders.com/
Theme headers has a fairly small gallery compared to the rest of the sites that I will be listing-and they only have two categories in their gallery, headers and backgrounds, but, every download is free.. and can't beat free!  In addition, you don't have to register to download images.. just click and save.  Below is an example of what you will find on Theme headers.

 

http://www.dreamstime.com/free-photos-resi2674154
Dreamstime offers over 5,000 free images.  They have some fantastic images to choose from, however, you do need to register in order to download.  They also have a referral program, which is free to register for,  and they will pay you for leads generated from the clicks on your link.  They will also pay you a $5.00 bonus once they have successfully confirmed their button is installed on your site.  The image below is an example of what you will find on dreamstime.

http://www.stockvault.net/
Stockvault boasts over 19,000 free images!  You'll find everything from graphics to stock images.. and very high quality ones as well.  They also provide several links for tutorials, ranging from helping navigate photoshop, dreamscape.. and even how to make your own buttons for your site.  As far as I could tell, these tutorials were free, however, I didn't click on everyone of them, so you will have to check them out yourself.  Below is an example of what you will find on Stockvault

If you found these sites useful to you, please leave me a comment.  I would love to hear of other sites offering free images, so please don't hesitate to share:)